This morning started out pretty rough. TMS treatments are still really exhausting and I am still getting very symptomatic in the evenings which is not fun at all. I did get to hang out with two of the coolest people I know this morning which made things better. Keira is getting bigger so fast! She turned 3 months only a couple days ago and I feel like her life is flying by, especially given my Postpartum issues. I can only hope things will start looking up. In the mean time I try to hang on to the smiles I get and not feel too horribly guilty for the moments I seem to miss out on.
As some of you know my sweet precious niece who was born in mid-January was diagnosed with Down Syndrome or Trisomy 21. As a family we are still processing this news and still adjusting to what this means going forward. My amazing sister is still wrestling with this but I don’t know a better woman God could have gifted this sweet angel to. My sister came across the following blog post here about some mommies of DS babies who found a way to stay connected through a special symbolic tattoo. “The three arrows symbolize the three 21st chromosomes and how we rise up and move forward,” says Mica May. “We fly highest after we have been pulled back and stretched, sometimes even more than we think we can bear.” My sister reached out to me and asked if I would get this tattoo in honor of my sweet niece McKenzie and I was immediately on board. Those who know me are aware of the struggles I have had with chronic Illness and depression and I believe togetherness, community, and support from others is so vital to getting through life’s darkest hours.
Before tattoo time I was starving so I met my sister for lunch at Erik’s for some much needed grub! and A sweet friend of ours brought McKenzie some new customized onesies. I cannot wait to see McKenzie in them!
I am not going to lie and say I wasn’t super afraid to get my first tattoo. I am generally not afraid of needles (I do great with giving blood and shots) but I have a zero pain tolerance so I was worried I would pass out or scream and make a total fool of myself. It really helped that there was some meaning behind the symbol.
I didn’t get really nervous till I sat down in the chair and then I started getting worried. The design/symbol was really small so I knew it wouldn’t take too long if I could just suck it up. Guys…it is NOT that bad! I just kept myself distracted and it was over in about five minutes! I am so glad I went through with it and will have this small reminder of how special this little girl is and that I get to be a part of her journey! It’s so easy for me to feel burdened by my own illness and ask God why he let me be born sick. McKenzie’s life is such a precious reminder that God has placed purpose in places even we don’t understand and cannot comprehend. This is still a concept I am trying to learn, Who are we to assign purpose or take it away? Did we create the heavens and the earth?! It is so hard to accept that I do not have all the answers and probably never will. I need to work on being ok with that reality.
I am so proud to wear this little symbol on my wrist for our girl! I can’t wait to do a session with her and get all the wonderful pictures to her momma! She is so gorgeous and perfect!